I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
