It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
