i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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