sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
