I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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