dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
