Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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