that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
