is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
