remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
