I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
