apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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