I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
