I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
