dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
