Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
How naked do you want me to be?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
