I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
