I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
