Pregnant stripper...not hot.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
