So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
