I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize
