i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
