so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
whose parrot is this?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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