It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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