dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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