new low.... made out with someone while peeing
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Randomize