What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
