so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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