he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Then you guys just all showered together...?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize