no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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