You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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