so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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