How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
