u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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