Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
The beer is more important than you right now.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
