Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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