Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
