jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
