I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
