Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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