The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
