Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
