Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
