I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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