Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
