I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
