I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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