i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
