saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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