walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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