So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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