No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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