Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize