i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
