I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize