It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize