dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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