And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
