Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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