I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
