It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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