He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
