im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize