also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
