note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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