Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
