He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
