I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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