I seem to have left my pride at pride
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
