So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
