Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
