How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
