He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
