i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
