I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
