Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i just google imaged poop.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
