You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
