how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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