At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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