so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
My vagina just recognized that song.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
