i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
