Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
