Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
this boner is exhausting
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
