She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
