I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Please don't give away my fajitas
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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