Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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