Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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