Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
