Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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