so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
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