Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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