Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Randomize
