I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
