I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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