i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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