I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
