shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
