I need help removing her.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
