after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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