its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
